“This isn’t a resort!” I scoffed, as our car pulled into the driveway of an unbelievably dilapidated structure right next to a cemetery, whose signboard proudly proclaimed that it was ‘MTDC’s Five Hills Resort, Panchgani’. “It’s an ancient haunted mansion!” As it turned out, it was a resort— one in which we had booked a suite for three nights through MTDC’s well-known website. Owing to the holiday rush, our chances of obtaining accommodation elsewhere were practically nil, so we resigned to our fate and entered the moss-covered edifice. On procuring the keys from the confused receptionist, we traipsed up to our suite, hoping that it was more welcoming than the exterior of the ‘resort’. Careful inspection of the two-roomed area revealed several exclusive characteristics. The tiny outer room was devoid of a fan but housed one bed and a rotting shoe-rack that smelled as though something had died inside it numerous centuries ago. The inner room was crammed with three beds, an ancient television set with 37 channels, a minute cabinet that had been passed off as a wardrobe and a bedside drawer that refused to yield to any amount of yanking. A small chit above an old telephone proclaimed that the extension 9 would connect us to the ‘opreter’. The whole room was lit by a single tube-light which flickered feebly for about 20 minutes after being switched The miniscule bathroom had a leaking tap (which refused to produce remotely warm water even half an hour after switching on the geyser), an uncovered drain, a detachable shower handle and a fairly normal basin that housed what looked like a cross between a grasshopper and a cockroach. Moreover, the commode, seated below a dirty flush-tank dangling off a single screw, bore a web-like crack, presumably administered by the faucet However, nothing matched the sight that met our eyes on the unceremonious opening of those smelly curtains to let some fresh air into the suffocating room— a filthy, mustard-coloured VIP Frenchie hanging on window-sill for everyone in the courtyard to Needless to say, internet-booking isn’t something we’re likely to try again!
— Amrita Bhardwaj, MD
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